Lost
by JellicleMaddie
Summary: May stay as a one shot, may become a story. What do you all think? Munkustrap/Demeter, some Dem/Alonzo will become a lot of Dem/Alonzo in the future if carried on
1. Lost

**A/N –. Please review with any concrit or anything, because I need to know ready for the ending of another story. This may be a one-shot, I may continue it. Depends :P**

**Lost**

I'm lost without you, Munkustrap.

Everlasting Cat, I've been lost for months now. Everyone's been so supportive, telling me that it's alright to be sad, that it's alright to grieve and mourn. All these complex words – I'm lost, that's the only way I can really say it. I don't grieve or mourn, I wander around and fool myself into thinking that you'll be back in my den by sunset, that I'll wake up to the sweet smell of your fur, to the comforting touch of your paw around my waist, to the knowledge that we spent yet another night, safe and secure in each other's arms.

Jem's just as lost as I am. She doesn't play with her friends anymore. The kittens are all aware of what's happened, they've all been so nice to her. She calls your name sometimes. She sings to you every night. She misses you just as much as I do, but she actually shows it. I don't tell anyone. It's easier for me, that way. I put on a smile whenever I'm with Bombalurina and the other queens. I try to laugh and joke with the other toms. I tried doing what you said – find Alonzo, trust Alonzo. He is amazing, you were right – but he isn't you. You're the one I need.

I always wish that I'll wake up and see you every morning. I walk around, trying to find you. I went down to the river a couple of times, but then it became too hard. I couldn't do it anymore. Old Deuteronomy took me under his wing, protected me, until he had to go back to the vicarage. Alonzo never leaves my side. But I still miss you. Every day.

'_Munkustrap! Let go!' the young kitten cries, giggling and throwing herself on top of Munkustrap. All thoughts of the game of Catch The Tail are suddenly forgotten, as Munkustrap and Demeter find themselves staring into each other's eyes, enraptured. They are both leaning in, and they kiss. But it is just a game – everything is a game for them. They stay like that for a few minutes, before moving away and going back to their game, all thoughts of what happened a few moments ago erased from the minds of the two kittens. _

You were my best friend. You were always my best friend, even before we became anything more. From the moment you and your father found me and Bombalurina, you were always my best friend. The first night I was there, you took me into the den you shared with Tugger, instead of sending me into the one they had cleared for Bomba, Calico and I. You lay with me all night and comforted me when I cried of bad dreams. You would probably have done that for me every night, had Jenny not decided that boy kittens and girl kittens should sleep apart.

'_Dem! Look what we found!'. The young black and gold kitten follows Alonzo's cries to where the black and white tom was standing, jumping around excitedly, with Tugger. A pile of red, gold and black fur lies in a heap. The other two think it's hilarious, just finding a pile of fur on the ground. They don't realise that it belonged to someone. But Demeter has seen a dead cat before, many a time, when she was with Macavity. But this fur is so familiar to her, she knows it so well. She nudges it; gently at first, then an almighty shove that makes the young toms gasp and her cry out as she sees the confirmation of what she already knows – Calico, her own sister, lying dead. Bleeding and battered and torn. Broken. A choked sob comes from Demeter's throat and she collapses, being caught in the nick of time by Alonzo._

If it was up to me, I'd hide my face away from the whole world and never come out. Or I'd find a way to be with you, no matter how dangerous or painful. I'd be with you forever. But you don't want me to be like that. You want me to live without you. But can't you see it's painful? You got me through so many tough times. When Calico died, you were there more than even Alonzo was. When we were growing up and moving apart, you still loved and cared about me, even when I felt like I wanted nothing more than to get away from you forever.

'_Go away!' Demeter sobs. Munkustrap glances at Jenny, who is watching Demeter anxiously, and turns back. He is stunned – this kitten who seemed to love him so much, has turned into a teenager overnight. A teenager who doesn't want to see him, doesn't want him near her. How could the death of a loved one change a cat so quickly?_

'_I'm sorry about what happened to Calico, Dem!' Munkustrap says, taking Demeter's paw. She turns away, moaning slightly, as Jenny flashes a warning look at Munkustrap. 'Look, I want to help you. That's all I've ever wanted to do. When I first saw you in Alonzo's arms, I thought that the same thing had happened to you as to Calico. And that scared the life out of me. I was petrified that I'd lost you. Please, don't make me actually lose you – I love you too much!'. As Demeter suddenly gives a yelp of pain, Munkustrap scarpers, his eyes wide and alarmed. He hopes he hasn't hurt Demeter. That's the one thing he knows he'd kill himself over._

The day we found out I was going to have your kitten was kind of mixed up, wasn't it? I mean, everyone assumed the fainting was to do with seeing Cali's body. I guess that did contribute to it, but I never thought I'd be having a kitten. We were so much younger than any of the other cats having a litter. Jenny and Jelly both were at the time, and they're both a good few years older than me. But when the day came that our kitten was born – we both realised that age didn't matter, nothing mattered. We had a kitten, and she was safe and beautiful and above all, ours.

_Munkustrap paces outside Demeter's den, listening to the occasional cries of pain that come from inside there. Jenny and Bombalurina are inside with Demeter – Jenny because she has been through having kittens before, Bombalurina because she threatened to take Tugger hostage and kill him if she wasn't allowed in. Munkustrap had been tempted to say "Go ahead", but realised that Tugger wouldn't have been to impressed. So now here he is, pacing outside when he knows he should be inside. Part of him doesn't even want to be inside, though. He doesn't want to see Demeter in pain, knowing that he can't do anything about it. Listening to her cries is bad enough._

_Then there is silence. Panic passes fleetingly through Munkustrap's head; is everything all right? Then Jenny is emerging from the den, looking ecstatic, followed by a similarly-excited Bombalurina. Jenny is beaming. _

'_Would you like to go and meet your daughter, Munkustrap?' she asks, a smile as wide as the Jellicle moon lighting up her face. Munkustrap is taken aback for a moment. His daughter? A kitten, of his very own, to teach and play with and love forever? The excitement is barely containable. _

_And she is perfect. Worth the wait – definitely worth the wait. Fur the colour of Demeter's, eyes exactly like Munkustrap's – green, deep and piercing. She squirms in Munkustrap's arms for a few moments, before falling still, as two identical pairs of eyes meet for the very first time. The atmosphere of love in the small den is undeniable. _

We were so happy, Munk. You, me, and our little Jem. We were stuck on names for a while. We considered Cali – but it didn't suit her somehow. I don't know where it came from, or how we both decided on it, but we must have had the same thought, as we announced the name at the exact same time – Jemima. We had so many happy months with her – her first Jellicle Ball, which she watched happily and even took part in. You got to see her nuzzling Pouncival, her best friend – not that you were too pleased about that. I loved seeing you go into protective father mode. I loved seeing you altogether. You and I were like Jem and Pouncival, but infinitely stronger. We had a bond – a bond that I can already see forming between our daughter and Pounce. I never thought that bond would be broken.

_Demeter is sitting with Bombalurina, watching the kittens play in the morning sun. Jem and Pouncival are in their own little world, talking and ignoring the game of Hide And Seek as usual. Bombalurina nudges Demeter. _

'_They're just like you and Munkustrap were. You never would join in any games, until that one game of Catch The Tail. We all saw that little nuzzle. You two were made for each other – always have been. And I think Jemima and Pouncival are made for each other too,' she concedes, chuckling as her own son, Tumblebrutus, turns an unexpected backflip when his tail is nibbled a little too hard by Etcetera. As Bombalurina wanders off to scold Etcetera and comfort Tumblebrutus, Alonzo sprints up to where Demeter is sitting, a pained look on his face. _

'_Dem – Dem, there's no time for questions, you just have to follow me,' he says desperately, taking Demeter's paw and running with her. He leads her to the spot where they found Calico's body, so many Jellicle moons ago. Demeter takes one look at Munkustrap's body, his grey fur matted, his eyes closed, and falls to her knees beside him. Alonzo can only sit beside her and rub her back comfortingly, himself mourning his oldest brother and closest friend. _

'_What – what happened?' Demeter asks warily, unsure whether she wants to know the answer or not. Alonzo looks away, mournful, not wanting to tel her. 'Lonz – please, tell me. Munkustrap was my mate, my best friend. The father of my kitten – I deserve to be told, at least'. Alonzo takes her paw._

'_Macavity. He came across Munkustrap and I as we were patrolling and talking. It was a fight – Munkustrap fought so hard, and I tried to help, but he knocked me out. When I came around, Munkustrap had been killed and Macavity had gone,' he explains gently. He expects her to cry or faint or something, but she doesn't. She takes it all in, nodding slowly. Then she falls into Alonzo's open arms and clings to him, sobbing uncontrollably, for the love she lost. _

I cried a lot, Munkus. I cried an awful lot. So did others – everyone in the junkyard cried. Jemima was unconsolable. It was awful for a while – and everywhere I went, I saw a reminder of you. Everyone crying.. cats talking about you at every opportunity – and, hardest of all, every time I looked into Jemima's eyes, I saw you there. In time it got easier – people started remembering you silently more, instead of talking about you. People were able to remember you with smiles and laughter, not with tears and pain. And Jemima's eyes became a source of love and hope, not pain and rememberance.

It was many moons before I came to love again. I was worried – worried that you may think badly of me in Heaviside. Worried that it felt like I was betraying you, like I'd gotten over you, but Alonzo assured me that this was what you would have wanted – and I believe him wholeheartedly. I gave you half of my heart – and you gave me some back, when you died. I thought it was you, leaving me forever – but it was you, leaving me to a new life. And you live on, in Jemima and Pouncival, and in Jemima's kittens – due any day now, according to Jenny. And Alonzo and I have assured your name will live on too. Our firstborn son, Munkustrap, will be the Jellicle protector when Alonzo passes to the Heaviside Layer – and he will name his firstborn Munkustrap, as will his son.

Munkustrap – thank you.


	2. Found

**A/N – Okay guys, I kind of left you on a sad note there, didn't I? This won't be continued into a story – I'm going to stick with one-shots and maybe one story until I'm a little less busy (as if that ever happens!) – but I thought you guys, since you were so nice for reviewing and I felt so sorry for those of you that I left in tears, deserved a little follow-up, to show that Demeter can be happy =) please R&R again! Thankyouu! Maddie x**

**Found**

It feels strange, coming to talk to you with a smile on my face, Munkustrap.

I don't know if you can hear me. I don't know how to get to the Heaviside Layer, or how to get a message up there to you. Perhaps my best hope is to just say everything I have to say, and hope that the breeze carries it to your ears somehow. I just want you to know that everything is alright – everything is fine.

Not a day goes by when I don't think of you, Munkus. But the sad memories, the memories of when I lost you, and the helplessness and hopelessness I felt in those first dazy weeks without you, they're gone. They've been replaced by happy memories, of the times we shared, the love we had for each other and for Jemima. Jemima thinks of you every day too – and she's already decided that her kits will know what a hero their grandfather was when they're old enough to understand.

Straps knows all about you. Alonzo and I made sure of that. Every night, before he settles down to sleep, we tell him stories about you – about when you were a kitten, when you were growing up – what a great father you were to Jemima, how you loved playing and were strong and brave, and the Jellicle Protector. Old Deuteronomy made Alonzo Protector when you died. I've never been prouder than the day I saw him take his place at the Jellicle Ball – because I knew he was doing it, not just for himself, but for you too. He wanted – and still wants – to make you proud, every day. And when Alonzo and I are long gone, when we have joined you in Heaviside, Straps will become Protector. Your legacy is never going to die, Munkus.

We still aren't sure who or what led to your death. Everyone suspects Macavity – he's been very quiet in the moons since your passing. Personally, I don't care. It's in the past – your death was a hard time, but we pushed through it. Alonzo helped me through – and so did you. Knowing you were there, when I looked up at the stars each night, got me through the darkest times, when not even Jemima or Alonzo could cheer me up. I think it helped Alonzo a lot too – he was devastated, almost destroyed, by your death. We had each other. You were right all along, Munkustrap – Alonzo was the one to trust.

There are so many things you'll miss, Munkus, and it will tear me up inside every time that I am there, and knowing that you aren't when you should be. The birth of our grandkits – expected any day now, incidentally - , growing old with me, so many Jellicle Balls. At first, I doubted I'd ever smile again – but Alonzo helped me. Alonzo made sure I could smile, and laugh, and somehow hearing from him that it was okay, let me know that it was okay. I used to think that once cats mated, they split their heart in two, and their mate owned one half until both cats were gone. I've realized now that I was wrong – you hold a piece of my heart, but so does Alonzo, and so does Jemima, and so does Bombalurina. So does Calico, and all the cats who have now gone. Gus, who was always there to cheer me up in the days following losing you. Jellylorum, who never quite coped with losing her father, and was chosen to go to the Heaviside Layer at the following Jellicle Ball.

Our hearts are touched by everyone who comes into our lives. And everyone who touches our heart, takes a little piece. What they do with it is up to them – break it, cherish it, torture it. But it's by having as big a family as possible – like the family you showed me I could have, the family you gave to me – that we protect our heart from being torn to shreds. You will always hold and cherish a piece of my heart, and I shall always hold and cherish a piece of yours. So as long as one piece of each of our hearts is safe, we'll always be able to love each other.

You'll be in my mind and my heart forever, Munkustrap.


End file.
